I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
