just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
