is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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