Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
