He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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