I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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