CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
