Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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