The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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