I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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