How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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