I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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