Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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