there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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