I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
