I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
