i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
