He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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