things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
