I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just cropdusted the office
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
