Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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