3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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