Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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