Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
