I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
