My hair reeks of homosexuality.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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