It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
two words...techno handjob
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
