The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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