New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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