dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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