It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize