I'm eating all of the evidence.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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