i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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