So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
