Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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