i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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