I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
