I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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