dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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