I need help removing her.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
