its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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