i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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