and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
