You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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