you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
