I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
