Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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