nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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