I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize