That's intense
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The power of my boobs compel you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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