I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize