I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
