By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
