I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
