My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
