Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
