Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
