Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
