ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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