She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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