Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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