I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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