I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
