you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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