she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
