Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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