Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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