Do you still have your period?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
