just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
