i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
