My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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