Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize