Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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