meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
