Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
