Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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