and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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