Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
