I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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