I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
