so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you inspire me to be a worse person
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
