she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
