Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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