My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
